Most awesome thing ever? I think so...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Some great videos for your viewing pleasure!

I feel kind of bad for all the joy I got out of ripping you know who a new one so here's some happy videos to lighten your day!

I would totally do this for my reunion but thanks to facebook, everyone would know I'm not another chick. :(

I totally needed some taco bell after this. And why is that they never can understand Iced Tea and think I'm saying Hi-C but these guys can sing their order?

Why I hate Meghan Mccain

  I would like to go on record as saying, I didn't start hating Meghan Mccain. In fact, I was an early fan of MccainBlogette. I didn't realize why I hated her until today. Allow me to explain:

I don't like her. I hate her. She is one of the few people I would just really love to smack upside her bleach blonde head. I have more ire for her than I do Pelosi and Reid combined.

 You would think that I would be a fan. I agree with her on a lot of the issues. I too am for gay marriage. We are almost the same age and I'm all about the plus-size power. But I don't and here's why.

  1. She's using the movement. She's not a conservative. She's twittered many times in favor of government and until her Daddy was on a ballot, she didn't even claim to be a conservative. She voted for John Kerry. She supposedly voted for Gore when she was 16. Lie much? But she doesn't know what we're about. She hasn't spent her life trying to read and study conservative values. Yeah she has a picture of her with Goldwater when she was Four. But have ya read any Milton Freedman lately? Hell no. She is spending all her energies trying to become a celebrity and has realized that the only way that is going to happen is if she uses her family connections to become the young voice of the conservative party.

 That brings me to the next point;

 2. She's in it for the fame. Anyone that thinks there's good intentions in there is sorely mistaken. She's doing it right too. The quickest way to become famous is to have a fight with a big name and antagonize them until they reply. (Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham,) She said that she doesn't even know who Laura Ingraham is. Well, that shows she's doing her homework doesn't it? Maybe if she wasn't so busy getting her nails done and congratulating Perez Hilton for his clever frowning at the Miss U.S.A pageant she could take the time to listen to conservative radio, the medium of our movement?   Honestly, I'm expecting a photo op with someone from The Hills next. Heidi and Spencer would sooo love her. And they have so much in common!

  Not to mention she's using the gay movement. I for one, was so offended by the fact that she talked about her Gay friend, her hairdresser. Stereotype much? You have one gay friend? How is that possible? Speaking as someone who's life is almost a pride parade every damn day, I think princess needs to get out of her tower a little bit. I think that she has realized the power of the homosexual movement. I believe Samantha from SATC (that's Sex and the City for the newbs) said it most clearly when she pointed out that to become a sensation and be famous, you have to get the gays. Well, she may prance around like a Gay Icon but baby, Cher she is not.

  3. She voted against Bush in both elections. Ok, we get it. You despise him because he beat your dad in the primary. That would hold water if she wasn't pandering to all the sources of media that screwered her father during the past election. She's going on The View? Hello, am I the only one that saw them treat her father like an idiot two months before the election? Has she no family loyalty that she would lower herself to sucking up to the women that spent four months promoting his opponent?

  Oh, and thats not even the worst one. She. Went. To. Perez. Hilton's. Birthday. Party. You heard me. The man that spent every single day going after her father, who called him dispicable names, drew a penis on him in photoshop, and called her mother a DRUG ADDICTED CRYPT KEEPER. He crucified the McCains every damn day. She went to his birthday party. And yesterday she congratulated him on his behavior at the Pageant. She should have supported Miss California for going with her beliefs and standing up for herself. But no, she took that useless scumbag's side.

  4. She is convinced she is the voice of our generation. Oh yes, she knows what we all believe. After all, how could we not believe everything she believes? Oh and we all like punk music and wear black so we must definitely want the GOP to appeal to that group. Of course, if she wasn't an idiot, she would realize that the punk market is actually pretty well covered. It's the rap and pop markets we need to grab a hold of. I'm the first to say that we need to change our image, but to even give credence to her shallow ramblings is the ultimate in idiocy.

  5. When most ardent conservatives were working on campaigns, running for office in the College Republican chapters, and in general being young Conservatives, Meghan McCain was interning at Saturday Night Live. Which hey, is a kick ass internship. But as far as I'm concerned, she doesn't have the background needed to represent the conservative movement. She was never in the trenches passing out fliers for her chapter or doing the many backbreaking labor that has no purpose other than to combat the indoctrination on college campuses.

  Now, I know what everyone is going to say. She campaigned for her dad. Well, yeah, he's her dad. Is there anybody that wouldn't do all they could to get their dad elected president? Well, I wouldn't but that's because my Daddy would just drop the bomb all over the Middle East and then call it a day. She may have been the child of a Republican Presidential Nominee and bounced on the knee of Barry Goldwater, but that does not make you a conservative leader or even a conservative. Just ask Ronnie Reagan and Patti Davis.

  6. Lastly, and more importantly, Meghan McCain is the most self-absorbed writer/blogger/tweeter/pundit out there. She embodies the worse aspect of our culture and our generation. Every single remark is in reference to her and how she feels. Let's not say why Ann Coulter is bad for the party. Let's talk about how little Meghan doesn't like her because she is like, so controversial and mean spirited. Oh and Karl Rove is such a creeper because he follows her on twitter. Uh, hello? Karl Rove follows everyone on twitter. He follows me on twitter. That's half the point of twitter, you moron. Whats the point of learning about other people if you only follow 25? You obviously don't care to learn about what your followers think. Every tweet, every post, is about her life and what she's thinking. Honey, I know you think you're just fascinating but can you put some effort in to being more interesting? Honestly.

  I'm not hater. I'm all about letting people do they're own thing and believing what they want. But when you start advertising yourself as the voice of a generation and you honestly believe that you can tell men who have been in politics for 20 years how to run a party, you need to be dropped down a peg. Moreover, everything she tells them is wrong. God, I hate hate hate Meghan McCain.

 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to unfollow her on Twitter because my gag reflex and my blood pressure can take only so much.

Okay, since I can't sleep, Here's an update!

Okay, I'm a terrible blogger. AWFUL REALLY! Usually my stuff is maudlin and I go months at a time and totally forget I have this damn thing. But since I can't sleep and doing school work on a friday night is just completely against the grain and my personal code, I'm updating this damn thing.

div>February-LBK-Spent time with granny and a few other social obligations. When I was down in Texas, Coco Chanel had her puppies. 5 of them! Then I went to CPAC that wavered from a lot of fun to clusterfuck to a lot of fun to clusterfuck. Ending on a massive blizzard where my toes practically froze off. But there was one mighty fun night at the hawk in dove involving alcohol, dehydration and many lady gaga songs. Good times. Which can be seen with Katherine, Myself, and my love bunny.

 

After CPAC, we had a scare when daddy had a bad case of Labyrinthitis. No, it has nothing to do with David Bowie and gremlins. Its the inflammation of the inner ear. He's been here since the first of March recuperating. He'll be fine in a few weeks if I don't smother him in his sleep.

 

March-Went to Chicago and spent a few days with the love bunny, Katherine, and Jersey. Great times. We went to the original pizza UNO, which meant something to them but I found the pizza not to my taste. Proving once and for all that the only thing around me allowed to be extra saucy is myself. Deuce (Love Bunny) and I had a lovely dinner at a restaurant called the Chicago Firehouse. He managed to piss off every cab driver we had.

 

The real fun started when we met our new friend Briana and a lovely boy from Oklahoma I kept inadvertantly insulting. We piled 6 ppl into Loretta the Jetta, Deuce's dirty slut of a car, and drove into Downtown Chicago. First, we were in Deuce's car and somehow it was decided that I would check and see if minor's could go in. Deuce pulled over on the side of the road and I was supposed to cross 4 lanes of chicago traffic to get to the bars. I missunderstood what my compadres meant when they were yelling, "Go go go go go, get out!" I jumped out of the car and was smack dab in the middle of the traffic. Apparently I really do move fast because I began hauling ass and miracles of miracles I didn't get honked at. But I did come within three feet of singing with the angels. Thats when I met a lovely tattooed and pierced gentleman of sixty named Ripley when I was checking out a club to see if they would take under 21's. My new friend Ripley climbed off his harley and walked into the Alley with me where the club was located and I had a nice conversation with the rather intimidating bouncer about our options with the occasional word with a man that ralphing his dinner about 5 feet from us. While I was trying to find out where Naperville was and telling them the best place to gamble in Vegas, apparently my friends were worrying that I was getting gangraped by jack the ripper and the manson family because as I exited the alley way, I saw Jersey in Full Soprano mode with his overcoat and black gloves coming down the street to rescue. It just warms the cockles of my heart that he was going to come and save me from the serial killers.

 

Anyway, we drove to some suburb and ended up in freaking Mayberry in which we checked out some club called Medusa's. i'm 85% sure it was a gay club since the bouncers were mighty fruity and one checked out Jersey's ass, which admittedly is mighty fine, but it screamed gay. As we exited the club, we ran into to gentlemen who I'm almost positive were skinheads, as evidenced by their shaven heads and screaming on the street that they were "motherfucking lovers of the constitution." They were loudly discussing Obama and while Jersey was obviously hesitant to converse, I brought out my southern charm-the kind learned on my Granny's knee, and asked them if they knew of any clubs we could go to. Now if I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, you can always tell how nice the people of a city are by the manners of their Neo-Nazis. They were very cooperative and a little scared of Jersey's, well lack of a better term, mobster yankeeness.

 

We then walked down the street and came across a Martini Lounge that had several black people who were wearing red shirts and bandanas. They also smelled strongly of cannabis, (see mary jane, weed, reefer, dazed and confused,) While they were unable to assist us in our quest, we were offered some "good stuff" and invited to celebrate one of the girls or "shorties" birthday with some libations and other things I can only imagine. Now if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, you can always tell the quality of a city by their inner city gang members. And we couldn't have been welcomed anymore if we were Diddy, Flo Rida, or whoever the kids are down with these days.

 

The rest of the chicago trip was spent looking at all the St. Pat's stuff, chasing leprechauns, and walking around the sites.

 

I've spent the rest of time trying to catch up on my school work, sick, and generally full of senioritis. Its been truly awful my level of Apathy. Today was an interesting day though. Lubbock was completely messed up by a major storm and several tornadoes and mom hurt her head. Sigh. Such is my life.

 

In addition to the update, I'm currently obsessed with Aaron Schock, who is the youngest congressman and is a mighty fine piece of man candy. See Below-

 

I'm also obsessed with Flannery O'Connor, J.D. Robb, blueberry poptarts, Jason's Deli chili, grape soda, Media Research Center, Twitter, (Geekiest sentence I've ever uttered? "I was following Newt Gingrich on Twitter and he tweeted that...") James Garner movies, finding a copy of The Quiet Man, and my iphone.
 

Songs I'm loving Right now: Wild at Heart Gloriana, 99 Times by Kate Voegele, and Fight Like a Girl by Bomshel.
 

Things that make me cry: This Video from the ACM awards with Trace Adkins and the West Point Glee club. Beautiful.
 

Things that make me laugh: This video from College humor, Finally the wedding of my dreams!

Well, i'm off to crash!!!

coming back soon!!!

I graduate on May 9th and until then I'm going to be super super busy so expect a brand new post on the 10th!

RIP BUDDY HOLLY

RIP BUDDY HOLLY

September 7, 1936-February 3, 1959

The GREATEST DISCOVERY OF OUR CIVILIZATION!!!

Okay, so that might be a bit of an exaggeration.I have actually found the greatest dessert in the world. So great that I might consider this to be my greatest gift to mankind. It is bliss in a tortilla. The recipe is as follows. This may be the xanax and lunesta I took to sleep, but holy cow was it amazing.

2 Flour tortillas

2 tablespoons of nutella

2 tablespoons of warm lite cream cheese

half a cup of diced strawberries

2 teaspoons of extra light extra virgin olive oil

First you lightly coat the tortillas with a light extra virgin olive oil, Lightly!!! You pop them in the microwave for 30 seconds on high. The oil keeps them soft. Also pop in the cream cheese if it cold for 30 seconds. Take them out and on one tortilla spread the cream cheese on. On the other, spread the nutella. Put the strawberries on the nutella tortilla and put the two together like a quesadilla. cut in four pieces and serve with a mint and strawberry garnish. Oh. My. God. It's soooooooo good!!!

The worst hopenchange metaphor eva...

There are a lot of lessons you learn in West Texas. Don't ever point a gun at any thing when handling it, stay away from yellow snow, and certainly, don't play chicken with a train. Those are the obvious ones. There are more subtle ones, ones that help you blend in with the other residents. (I never really mastered those.) But if there was one that had always seemed clear to me, (one for the record that I never had to learn the hard way) it was don't let yourself be seduced by a sweet talkin' devil who will promise you the moon. Ah yes, there was many a young girl that fell from grace or at least into the quarterback's backseat. And worst of all, everyone in town knew about it. Yes, the foolishness of youth that lead to repercussions ranging from public embarrassment to an std to a twenty year sentence, the kind that involves child support and no time off for good behavior.
Now, I'm sure anyone who knows me at this point is thinking, "oh shit, what did she do now?" But I find myself considering this life lesson when I think about how my generation was seduced by the hopenchange cult and High Priest Barry. (That's President Obama to those of you not initiated in the ways of the great hopenchange.) Moreover, how The Great High Priest is trying to seduce centrist republicans and conservatives while practicing his socialist voodoo that only he can do.
We were seduced. There is no other way to describe it. There were rumors of forgiven school loans, legalization of marijuana, and health care. We were told things that would never be possible or even advisable. We ignored every instinct, the ones that told us that he wouldn't help our need for individuality and our universal distrust and cynicism of government. We stopped listening to facts and started reciting mantras. Our need to be the most popular lead us to stop thinking about our country and think about what Europe thinks about us. Because, like, its sooooo hard to like, be disliked and talked rudely to when your, like, studying abroad like. Because everyone knows that the people of Europe are so happy themselves that they would welcome everyone with open arms if we just weren't Americans. However, I digress. Like those innocent girls who made tragic mistakes, my generation believed hopenchange when it told us he loved us and didn't want anything more than just to be together.
Sadly, hopenchange was more than just a quickie under the bleachers (yes, I am still running this metaphor) It did more than just feel us up and then report it to all his friends in the locker room. Its a life sentence that we will have to live with. Of course, my generation will be the last to realize their mistake as most of them get their news from the daily show, the internet, and youtube videos. But soon, they will realize their mistake. Or maybe they won't and will be able to convince themselves that it was wonderful. Its not without precedent, (the new deal, clinton presidency)
I've always said that losing your idealism is like losing your virginity. It only happens once and its because you really got screwed. I worry about what happens when we such excitement and worship turns to cynicism and bitterness.

Picture for the Sheeple

Karma's a bitch

Let's see how they like four years of defending their every position and decision.

Crystal's Revised Inauguration Prayer

Benediction at Obama 's inauguration, Rev. Joseph Lowery:
"'Lord, in the memory of all the saints who from their labors rest, and in the joy of a new beginning, we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to get in back, when brown can stick around... when the red man can get ahead, man; and when white will embrace what is right. That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen. Say Amen'...

CRYSTAL'S AMENDMENT TO SAID PRAYER

"Lord, please give me the strength to suffer the fools in front talking over the rest, the idiots who know not what they do, and give knowledge to the those who possess delusions of grandeur. Help the victims of true injustice and punish those that merely think they are. Give us strength to fight the battles that will save liberty and invividual freedom. AMEN"

When you're going through hell...time to roast marshmallows or get the gasoline?

I've had a less than satisfying weekend. Along with all the inauguration madness, which I can't escape, my car wouldn't start and embarassed me in front my math tutor, I missed a conference call and was closed out of a decision ( my fault) and I got in like three fights in one hour with my best friend. Who I am presently not talking to because he insists on being rational when I want to just have an argument. Men! (Though I was right on a few things) I'm also less than thrilled with my classes, and as previously stated, GOV. GIBBONS INSISTS ON RUINING MY LIFE!!! Not only are his decisions ruining my life, they made me--momentarily--doubt conservativism. Plus, I feel like some very valued relationships, especially one of my oldest and bestest friends, are slipping away. I'm also very unsure of my future and have no idea what to do in six months.

They say when you are going though hell, keep on going. While I have been through much worse than the inconveniences of the last week, I feel the weight of these events on my shoulders. I suppose common wisdom would be for me to continue on as if nothing was going on and these things would resolve themselves. However, anyone that knows me realizes that I never follow common wisdom, and only follow common sense when it suits me.

I suppose traditional crystal action would be to discuss at length with Big Mama, eat lots of food laden with carbs, read JD Robb and Jen Lancaster novels, and shut out the world. Let's face it, I could do it. Certainly have before. Plus, I have a new wii and a marathon of Katherine Hepburn movies on the DVR. Indeed, my life is prime for shutting out the world, turning off skype and my cell and letting the world pass me by.

As seductive as that sounds, I'm afraid I can't do that anymore. I can't have a wild-eyed fit, or breakdown, or go into a snit about things not going my way. Apparently I'm an adult and those are not adult behaviors. Though they seem to work well for most of my family.

The truth is just I have to confront every issue and try to resolve everything as much as I can. And as far as Gibbons goes, good Lord willing and the creek don't rise, I'm out of here in 7 months.

I'm reminded of the country song by Ms. Rimes that is my new mantra:

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to let go what I cannot change

I will learn to forgive what I cannot change

I will learn to love what I cannot change

But I will change, yeah I will change

Whatever I, whenever I can

I just hope I have the will to change the toxic aspects of my own life and separate ego from logic.

I'm voting for a fucking democrat...yes, I said DEMOCRAT!!!

Thats it, I'm walking over to the dark side. I'm entering the land of evil, global whining, cultural relativism, and b. hussein obamania. I have had it with the governor of Nevada. It was one thing when he cut out my major. I could take that. But now the bastard wants to cut the budget for unlv by 52%, thus eliminating the liberal arts college. IT'S A LIBERAL ARTS UNIVERSITY!!!! Plus, he wants to cut the teacher budget by 6%. How am I supposed to be taken care of in the manner that I have been accustomed to if my mom gets paid less? Don't they know the unemployment rate for millenials? There is no way I can survive in this state without a job and Big Mama making less. THAT SORRY SON OF A BITCH!!!

I have never been for raising taxes, but when a state pays the least taxes of anyone except alaska, you can raise them enough to pay for what you've already created. Lesson to Republicans: If you want young people to become republicans, don't shut down their college.

Sigh, this is a great test of my faith in conservatism. I'm going to have to do some soul searching. ALONG WITH MY JOB SEARCHING YOU CHICKEN SHIT SON OF A BITCH GIBBONS!!!!

Now, I'm off to my thesis class that I had to take this semester because the bastard removed my major.

Coming soon

One of my new year resolution is to start writing on this sucker again so I'm going to start on the 13th with a new look and everything...